A Change in Perspective...

So...

A lot of things have changed in my life recently.

I just recently have started to see what exactly is going on in my heart and soul. You go through life and you think a million different things, but 95% of them you never ever let yourself truly ponder about. My life has been shaped by so many different things and you think just because you can get through a day without crying, that you are stable. But there's so much that God sees that we don't. I have had a lot of pain in my life and a lot of traumas (for lack of a better word). I thought I had truly dealt with them, just because I could get through a day or even years, without thinking of them. They didn't effect my daily life anymore. But that's such a farce. Because the pain is still there...it's just been untouched. So I have recently been learning to dig deep and try to genuinely become healthy in my heart. It's a daily job and it's not easy. There are days I am indignant and days when I am more than willing. But I know this, in the end, will be much more rewarding and will produce a much higher quality of life than I originally thought.

The funny thing is, that through digging deep into my heart, I have recognized desires and interests I forgot I even had. I used to write short fiction and poetry all the time. I write music all the time. But I've been experiencing such a terrible writer's block. And it's all because my heart has been so closed. You speak in poetry, fiction and songs out of the overflow in your heart and you can't do that when you have your heart so closed off. Now that I've started to truly open up my heart and be vulnerable, I'm experiencing quite a break in my writer's block. God is so faithful. Things can be so painful yet, he can bring such fruit out of times of challenge. He is truly amazing.

So this is my life as of right now...and it's fabulous